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THE VU FACTOR

Does He Really Want to MARRY YOU or Does He Just Want SEX?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Ladies,

There are several ways a man will try to get kitty from you.  

  • He will tell you upfront 
  • He will take you out on several dates waiting for you to give in 
  • If you put him in the friend zone, he'll act like he's okay with it but he's really waiting, hoping that you will eventually give it up                     


AND THEN THERE'S THE GUY THAT LEADS WITH THE 
****RELATIONSHIP CONVERSATION****

What do I mean by this?  This is the guy that thinks that all women want to get married and have kids, so he says key words, hoping that you will believe him and be more than willing to give him some kitty sooner than later all because he "claims" he's ready for a commitment. 

I'm sure we've all run into this guy and actually fell for it a time or two, so as always I'm here to help you look out for the signs on whether a man is truly ready to marry YOU or if he's only saying it just to have sex with you.

When conversing with him, he will usually says things like this: 
  • "I'm ready to find the one"
  • "I would love to get married one day"
  • "I want to have kids one day"
  • "You seem like you would make a great wife"
  • "I'm ready to be in a committed relationship"
  • "I can see marrying you and having kids with you one day"


Have you heard these words from a man within the first few dates and you actually broke down and gave him the kitty and he still has NOT attempted to marry you, let alone have kids with you? 

If he hasn't made the financial plans to purchase a ring, hasn't made an attempt to set a wedding date, hasn't asked to meet your parents, family, or friends, doesn't take you out in public, hasn't introduced you to his family or friends, then chances are - he never had plans on ever marrying you to begin with.  This was all just a ploy just to get some kitty from you!


If he brings it up months into the relationship but a lot of time has passed and he still hasn't followed through with a ring, then chances are he only said it just to keep you around longer but still has NO intentions on marrying you.  


If he says he wants to marry you but gives you NO time frame whatsoever, then you need to give yourself a time frame on how long you're going to stick around AND make sure you stick to it otherwise you get what you ask for!  Remember, a man will only do what you allow him to.  


Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me!


Of course there are always exceptions to the rule 
and some of those would be:
  • He really does want to settle down, but enough time has not gone by for him to be able to tell if you'd make a good wife.
  • You just don't move him that way.  It may not be anything specific about you, he's just not attracted to you on that level.
  • You've acted out in crazy irrational psychotic ways which is making him re-think his decision.
  • You're a nag and he can never do anything right.
  • Your sexual chemistry doesn't match. i.e. you're not freaky enough or don't like having sex as often as he does.
  • You have kids already and they are BAD as hell and when I say BAD, I'm talking bebe kids, out of control BAD, Dennis the Menace BAD, no home training BAD, which tells him you will not make such a great mother to his kids.
  • He's brought you around his family/friends and they disapproved of you.
  • He brought you around his own kids and you didn't have a clue as to how to communicate with them.
  • You can't cook a meal to save your life. (This doesn't apply to all men but the men that do require it, this would be a deal breaker for them)
  • You have no ambition and you're lazy.
  • Your house is always dirty, I'm not talking cluttered, I'm talking it looks like you haven't picked up a duster or vacuum in your lifetime.
  • Your family is ghetto or trailer trash. 
  • Your mother is crazy and is driving him crazy because she's constantly around or calling and your dumb ass is letting her control your relationship by telling her all of your business.
  • You don't know how to handle your finances and you're in debt up to your ying yang.
  • Your ying yang smells like garbage sewer.


I could add more to this list but it would take up my entire day, so hopefully you get the point.

If you have not displayed any of the above behavior and everything has been drama free or maybe there's only been a few bumps along the way, but you have not given him any real reason to re-think being in a relationship with you, then the only reason a man would not take it to the next level after saying that he wants these things is if he only said it just so he could sleep with you!  

Remember ladies, actions speak louder than words.  If he is saying these things, his actions should be lining up with his words by following through.  


***Don't fall for the okie doke!***

Until you actually have a ring on your finger, I would chalk it up to nothing more than words!  It's just like a salesman that's trying to sell you a car and tells you about all the bells and whistles and how wonderful it drives BUT until you actually test drive the car YOURSELF and over TIME you see that everything the salesman said proves to be true, it's nothing more than a SALES PITCH!  

A wise man once told me "Anh, don't entertain conversing with men that say they want to marry you. If he's serious, he will purchase the ring and put it on your hand." Now of course he didn't mean don't ask questions because you need to know where the guys head is, but in essence what he means is the guy can talk about marriage and kids all day and night but until he actually puts that ring on your finger, his words are nothing more than just that - words!  


Nothing But The Truth
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5 comments:

Artkazi said...

Hey Anh,

Problem is women believe in the fantasy and men know this! They sometimes try to use their pimp game just to get it! I have a friend who is serial dating on MATCH.com with no intention of getting in a relationship because he knows he is going to date desperate women who want to get married. Be careful out their ladies!

June 2, 2011 at 11:07 PM
JohnTHESkywalker said...

Nice blog post.

I have a question:

What if I do just desire sex? Does that mean that I don't respect women...especially from the women that consent? Is it so bad that we, as human beings, meet for a "reason" rather than a "season" or a "lifetime"? And is it so bad that we can't be responsible and honest enough to acknowledge what we truly desire from someone - in this case "sex"?

Although I agree with this blog post, I have to express from the male point of view that sometimes women aren't looking for a mate - and many of us KNOW this just from observation. Body language, sexual innuendos, and facial expressions. Sometimes, women are just looking for an "experience". And of course we shouldnt judge people for acknowledging their desires vs. building a fantasy around a desire so that it "looks" like they have long term intentions. What I really just wanna add, is that if it is just sex...ladies...let the guy know so that he doesnt have to PLAY THESE GAMES. Although some guys arent honest about their intentions out of fear of not having them fulfilled, women are the same way.

Ensure that he's worthy of the experience, if that's the intention. I respect women not because respect is earned, but because it's deserved. And the respect level increases when a woman acknowledges what she truly desires and expresses them in the convo. That way, when we separate, there are no grudges. We leave off with a good note (honest character)...positive energy/outlook....and relief of sexual tensions.

June 3, 2011 at 1:53 PM
Anh Vu said...

I couldn't agree MORE John w/ your comment. Yes some women just want sex and should be honest about it and if that's all a man wants, then he should also be honest and find a tactful way of telling her because if that's not what she wants, then she can make the choice instead of him making it for her by lying.

Thanks so much for checking out my blog, appreciate your time!!!

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